it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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