I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize