I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize