I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize