connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We need to get me chipped asap
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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