Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
