i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
