Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
