Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
