I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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