I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
