You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
