ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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