why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
