so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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