I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
