Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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