In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
