Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
