11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
