I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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