she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
