I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
