I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
