is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
