WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
