how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
