How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
