Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
