and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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