Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
