I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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