Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
