In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize