we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
