Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
