I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
