i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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