No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
