Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize