Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
