What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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