I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
