he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
