i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
