ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
