They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
