Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
