I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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