She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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