i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize