census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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