I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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