What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
