I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's the barista slut.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
