I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
