Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
