Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize