I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize