this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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