Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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